I Never and Other Reflections

I'm sitting on my couch relaxing while the baby is asleep and waiting to go pick up my other two from school.  I'm freezing, covered with a blanket, catching up on reading blogs.  I've also been thinking a lot, reflecting on the last year and the saying "never say never".

In the not so distant past I would have said....

I'll never lose close to 100 pounds in 2012.  It's just not possible, too insurmountable, to far from anything I can even comprehend.  I'm a lifetime dieter and the most I've ever lost was 85 pounds, so you see, not going to happen.  But it has and it will.  As of yesterday I am down 97 pounds.  Crazy and still incomprehensible.  All I can say is one moment at a time over the course of a year has become more than I could have ever have imagined.  So here's to all my moments to come!

I'm never cold.  I'm always hot.  I never wear sock, only flip-flops.  Two Christmases ago I was 7 months pregnant and roasting.  Last Christmas I was fatter than I was at 7 months pregnant and still roasting.  Any gathering would lead to flushed cheeks, fanning, and wishing I'd worn a short sleeved shirt.  This year I sit here in my fuzzy socks, jeans, shirt and sweatshirt, covered with a fleece blanket and still freezing.  Proof that fat is a great insulator.  Too bad I didn't live in the arctic.

I'm grateful today for many, MANY things.  Better health (even in the midst of the crud I currently have), my family and friends, this my 100th post, support, love, silliness, the sunshine and clouds (but truly it needs to snow...my patience is waning), the good and the bad, EVERYTHING!

I pray for another great year, day, moment.....

Bandwagon

I've been reading all these blogs and Facebook statuses where people are posting what they are thankful for.  While I find it nice to read a lot of positive things (especially on Facebook) I have to admit that my first reaction was that it's kinda silly.  I immediately thought that I am thankful for ALL of my life and don't need to point out individual parts of it for a month.

All of the above is still true, but I found myself walking around taking note of silly little incidents where I was thankful.  Maybe that is the point of all these random posting, to get us thinking.  I've decided to jump on the bandwagon and blog about what I am thankful for, but I'm going to limit mine to a single post.  Also, while I am incredibly thankful for my family, friends, and life in general I am going to single out some of the random thing that have popped into my mind lately.  Here goes!

I am thankful:

• To be able to stand up and get out of the bathtub without a crane anymore.
• For the new found energy dropping my weight has given me.
• For the time sitting on my baby's bedroom floor playing toys, then getting up without the 45 point turn.
• To be able to squat down and help my kids and then FINALLY be able to just stand back up.
• For the people willing to come up to me and tell me they notice a difference in me and encourage me to keep going. (Which after 80+ pounds has only been 3 people & family doesn't count)
• For the memories I have of the loved ones I've lost. They make the sadness sometimes brought on by the holidays so much easier.
• VERY thankful, for the boxes of smaller clothes stashed in my closet, because without them I might be naked.  I will assume you're thankful for this one too!
• For my husband and his job and everything it provides us with.
• For my hairdresser who I don't see nearly often enough, but she still treats me like I'm her best customer ever.
• For the tough times (this is NOT an invitation for more) which make the good times so much better and treasured.
• To not be carrying around my 11 year old daughter everywhere I go.  She weighs less than what I've lost and that perspective is overwhelming.

I'll leave you with this weeks weight loss numbers....

This week: -0.6 lbs

Total: 80.4

Obsessed

I know that I have not posted for a while and I know that when I last did it was just a super short one.  You see I have this problem....it's called a book. I LOVE to read and when I do I cannot put them down.  I get the necessities done...feeding kids, doing laundry, baths (me & the children), pick-ups & drop offs, etc. but everything else has to wait. Sorry, just how it is.

I've decided that I may have to put myself on a book diet.  I may have to start counting pages instead of calories.  It's just hard to summon the will power to put it down sometimes, especially now.  I've somewhat been on a book diet the past year & a half called the baby diet.  It's not working that well anymore now that she's 19 months.  Oh well, such is life, I guess it could be worse.

I am succeeding on one of my "diets" though.  This last week I lost 2.2 more pounds bringing my total to 63.2 pounds.  I'm still doing really well, probably helps that I don't like to eat while I read...heeyyyy, maybe I don't need to cut down on the reading!  I guess I'll just need to make blogging one of the "necessities".

Just Couldn't Resist

Sometimes this is exactly how I feel....

Source: someecards.com via Wendie on

And now some information you should have....

Source: ohmyfreakingstars.blogspot.com via Wendie on Pinterest

Source: someecardss.tumblr.com via Wendie on Pinterest

Randomness

First a side note.  After doing this blog for approximately 6 months, I have finally posted some photos.  Please note the new photo tab at the top. :)

Now onto some random things about me, my life, or just things in general.

• I L-O-V-E coffee.  Plain black sludge, the stronger the better.
• I suffer from both OCD & a hording condition.  The OCD is winning out as I age...the clutter causes me anxiety which in turn makes me need my "crazy" pills.
• I carry most of my weight from the waist down (check out the new photos) and always have.  My sister says I not only have cankles, I have kneekles too! She's mean.
• I become obsessed with one food at a time. (Shocker I know)  Like for a while it was Ben & Jerry's every night, then it was PB Twix, then Carmel Bugles...It can last for months at a time and then one day I'm just done.
• I never wanted kids and now I have 3.  Who would've thunk it.  I credit my 1st baby girl for making me see the light.  She may have been a oops & she may be the death of me as a tween, but she is also the BEST thing that ever happened to me!!
• I've been married twice....to the same man.
• Until I had kids I didn't like eating meat.  It just tasted gross.  No problems now.
• I'm 5'10" and wear a size 12 shoe.  I've often wondered what it would be like to be petite for just one day.  Plus I'd like some cute shoes.
• Speaking of shoes, I wear flip-flops almost year round.  It even looks like I am wearing them when I'm not, thanks to an awesome tan. 



The tan has even faded

• Since I just showed you my feet I guess I should point out that I have 4 tattoos and I'm itching for more. I also can't wait for the leaves on the one on my back to not be hidden in the side back fat roll.  Almost there, but not quite.
• I once lost a ton of weight by eating mostly saltine crackers and drinking excessive amounts of vodka tonics.  The vodka would indicate the need for the saltines.  This was all of course before any of my kids, a very long time ago so no need to lecture.
• I'm a beauty school drop out.  Too many allergies.
• I love to craft but unfortunately never seem to have time for it.
• I enjoy growing flowers and hand water both my pots and flower beds daily.
• I really enjoy a couple of glasses of wine every evening, but since I am trying to lose weight I have mostly given it up.  Maybe once a week, sometimes more and sometimes not at all.
• The only foods that I know that I absolutely don't like are carrots (cooked or raw) and tomatoes.  I'll eat salsa and canned tomatoes in things, but I just can't do a regular tomato.  Wish I could, they look good.
• I didn't get Pinterest at 1st and thought it was stupid.  Now I like it, but I am not one of those crazy Pinterest people.  What I don't really get now is Instagram...I've tried it, used it a little, but just not sure exactly what the purpose is.

I guess that's all for now.  Anything else anyone wants to know?

Things Are Not Alway As They Seem

The handcuffs on my nightstand, not mine...they were left there by the kid "cops" that decided to watch tv in my bed. (I really should move them before someone gets the wrong idea.)

The elipticle in the house of someone (me) on a health journey...dusty and taunting from the corner where it sits.

The always clean house of Miss OCD (also me)...please don't ever look in my bedroom or bathroom or closet, or anywhere else out of the main line of sight.

The pantry of a fat person full of Easter, Halloween, or any other holiday candy...we don't eat it, really we don't. That's why it's still there.

The smile on my face & the "it's ok" coming from my mouth about my hubby being gone every week for the last several weeks (and the several more to come)...not true, I hate it! But "it's ok" we are fine.

The clothes that are too big, YEA!...not good when you don't have the next size down (I have tons of 2 sizes down) or any money.

The joys of a shrinking body...well except the sagging skin, flapping arms, rashes, etc.

Sometime when things are not what they seem it takes a moment to see the real truth. I am a work in progress and I am proud of my eating and all that comes with it. The good, the bad, and the plain 'ol ugly. I am healthier and that is where I really want to be.

Do You Want to Know What I Did?

Last night I did something that is really hard for me.  I'm not going to say I haven't done it before, but it's one of those things that doesn't happen very often...like Christmas.

Okay it all started off with me fixing myself a large plate of food for dinner.  After all I was having mostly veggies, so it was a large nice looking spread.  I went easy on all the non veggies and I had great variety.  But this isn't about what I put ON my plate, it about what I LEFT on my plate.  Yeah you heard correctly, I left food on my plate.  I was eating and chatting with my hubby when all of the sudden I realized I was full, I decided to stop.  This is a BIG thing for me!

Just two nights earlier I was chatting with my mother that I was trying to control my starting portions and wait to see if I really wanted seconds.  I've always had a problem with eating everything on my plate, and not the one where she had to force me to finish.  You see it usually doesn't matter how much is there or how full I already am, I will clean my plate like all good girls do. :-)

Well, my starting portion was big last night, like I said earlier.  When I got full I stopped.  I don't know why exactly, but I did.  Maybe it's that I've been trying to watch my serving sizes and it's working.  Maybe it's that the way I'm eating allows me to have as much as I want, so I am not stressing about not getting enough. Maybe it's a fluke?  Who knows, but like I've said before, I'm going to run with it and keep on trying.

Now on a totally separate note, I've lost another 1.4 pounds.  My total lost is now at 40.4!!  Yeah...I rock!

Quick Weigh-In

I weighed-in this morning with a 1.2 pound loss, bringing me back to 34.2 pounds. I'm only .4 from where I got distracted off track. I am happy with this and really want to continue moving in the right direction. My eating is not exactly what I want it to be, but I am trying to at least be aware. I am also trying to incorporate exercise into every day. Today was a quick ride on my new bike with my kiddos in tow leading the way! I leave you with some shots of our fun. (I need to get someone to get me in a photo someday!)

The baby is riding her pony

My biggest baby girl

My boy, what more is there to say

My bike, ain't she a beaut! (my hubby is trying to adjust the brakes)

Play By Play Monday

Today I:

Fed the baby
Got ready for the day
Watered my flowers outside
Went and watered my mom's flowers
Came home and went for a walk with the baby & my sweet girl on her bike
Drank a ton of water
Started some laundry
Opened all the windows
Fed the baby (and I had some yogurt & Kashi)
Did the dishes
Vacuumed the house
Put the baby down for her nap and closed all the windows (stupid dogs bark & wake her)
Shopped for bikes & trailers online
Switched to Pinterest
Ate too many chips with veggie dip
Contemplated a nap, but I don't nap
Started this blog post
Swapped laundry & folded
Opened all the windows again
Got the baby a snack, rounded up the kids (plus a neighbor kid), & headed to Target
Bought a bike, bike trailer, & other misc toys (picture soon!)
Fed the baby
Watered the inside plants
Had a glass of wine with a friend
Folded & put away more laundry
Closed windows (wow I messed with the windows a lot today)
Ate delicious nachos my hubby made me
Changed a poopy
Washed sippy cups & cleaned up the kitchen
Rocked the baby, kissed all my kiddos, & put them to bed
Now I'm finishing this post & enjoying another glass of wine
I see Pinterest & maybe a game in my future...oh & hopefully an early bed time!

Hope you enjoyed my day! I did!

Underwear

One of my kids' favorite jokes is, "Hey look under there!" To which you reply, "Under where?" Then they giggle and laugh while saying, "I made you say underwear!"

This of course brings me to a much more serious issue, underwear! I hate them, but I gotta have them.

**WARNING*** TMI about to occur for some people, read on at your own risk.

Let me start by describing some of my current issues:

Silky Pretty Pair - They twist & turn and literally make my pants turn sideways. Also, they're inevitably up the cheek on one side.

Cotton Bikini - They roll! They're constantly under the belly roll and I spend my day unrolling them...literally the day!

Cotton High-Cut Brief - I don't really enjoy my underwear sticking 4ft out of the top of my pants!!

Seamless Something or Others - These were recommended to me to help alleviate the roll down issue, which they succeed at, but only at the expense of riding way up the arse. And they are not a thong.

Boy Shorts - Just wrong, that's all I have to say! I carry weight like a woman, I am NO boy!

Source: Uploaded by user via Wendie on Pinterest

See my issue? What is a girl to do? In my younger, non-fat years, I was a thong wearer and I've considered giving it another go. Couldn't possible be worse could it?

Can anyone help? Do you have issues your own? I would love to hear!

Kind of Exciting

I started this blog back in March as a way to express what goes on in my head about my weight and struggles to lose it. I thought it would help me with accountability and just venting. Now I am excited to say that I am 9 views away from 1000.  Meaning that 1000 times you were interested in something I had to say. I knew I was important, but this just confirms what I already knew!  It's safe to say I don't struggle with self esteem, huh?!?!

I just want to say THANK YOU!  This blog does help me and if only 1 person read it, I would still do it, but I am so glad that there are more of you!!

When I Was A Child

My parents told me… That if I was going to do something then I should do it right the first time.  I think that is why I'm a bit OCD and if I don't think I can do something at 100% I don't try.  I'm sure now that what they meant was just give it my all. I am trying to learn as I "grow up"that it's ok, if my all is only 50% at least I could be 50% smaller than I am now. :)

I wanted to grow up to be a… spoiled rotten princess.  I came close!

I refused to eat… meat.  I really didn't learn to enjoy the deliciousness of meat until after my 1st daughter was born.

My favorite thing to do outside was… probably ride my bike, however, if it was hot outside you would find me inside.

I broke my… nothing!  I waited until I was 32 to break my ankle.

I liked to wear… really, really large earrings.  At the time I also had three holes in each ear and things could get a bit obnoxious.  School pictures are very entertaining to look at.

My parents always… bowled.  Several times a week and they were good.  I might be sorta good myself, but who's bragging.

I thought that Santa was… old.  We sat on his lap every year at the Karcher Mall.  It was the same one every year and he even had a real beard. 

My favorite cartoon was… Captain Caveman and Scooby Doo

I was the… smart, good girl.  I only hope that my kids are like I was, then I won't have much to worry about.

I got in trouble when… I really don't remember getting in trouble much.  Remember the last one....I was the good girl.

My bedroom was… wallpapered with shopping sacks and Mylar balloons.  I use to have a collection of sacks from everywhere.  I must admit I just recently (within the last month) finally threw away the box of them.

My favorite food was… pasta!!  It still is too, which makes it hard to lose weight.

My parents always made me… clean my room after school every day.  I was really good at putting things in my closet and nightstand drawers.  I might have even broke my closet doors.

My first crush was… on Jeff Kendall in 4th grade.  He even came to my birthday party.

My favorite toy was… a little yellow school bus that opened up and had little people inside.  I also use to sit on it and ride it around the house.

I thought school was… boring and a lot of drama.  I am now dealing with the drama of a daughter in 5th grade.

My biggest fear was… thunderstorms, I hated them with a passion!!  Now I love them and think they are cool.  I was also afraid to stay the night away from my parents for what seemed like forever.

My favorite story was… I didn't like to read back then and was too busy doing other things to have a favorite story.

My favorite memories… Going to look at Christmas lights with my entire family in an old car every year.  Spending time at the cabin in McCall.  The Hagen's house and all their cool board games.  My Grandma Marian and my Mom running all the time and my Grandpa taking videos of all those runs.

This was a fun little post to do and to share a little about me with you.  I cannot remember who's blog I saw this on first and got the idea, but I have seen it on several and it is always fun to read.  I hope you enjoyed.