Thursday, June 27, 2013


Why do you spread untruths?
You portray me in a way I think so unfair.
What have I ever done to you?

I see myself in the mirror,
Nothing too bad staring back at me.
I wonder why you insist upon showing me
In a way as I myself do not see.

You have an accomplice,
Giving me the numbers which cannot be denied.
Telling my mind maybe I'm wrong,
Maybe you do show what I just refuse to see.

Is it denial which makes me blind,
Or is it acceptance and love for me?
I hide from you best I can,
Not wanting to see myself through your eyes.

It must be denial.
It's time to take a stand.
To show you I can be who I see I am.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Wednesday, June 26, 2013


Needless to say its been a while. I needed the break, but I am ready to roll again.

I feel blah and tired! I know this is entirely based upon nutrition as my sleeping habits and other things have not changed. I was eating only what I referred to as "real" foods...nothing boxed or processed. I wasn't counting calories or restricting, with the exception of not "real" foods. But I let the sugar and white flour back in and like a junky I just couldn't get enough.

Tomorrow I start my sugar detox... Nothing drastic or gimmicky, just the withdrawal of sugar. I remember day three was awful, I'll let you know again.

More of my journey to come!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Friday, April 5, 2013

The Elephant in the Room

Let's talk, it's no secret that I've been struggling. It might be a bit of a secret HOW MUCH. It's kind of a "if I don't have anything good to say..."

I've been wrestling with my inner self a lot and it's only gotten worse since I hurt my knees. Choices are not easy for me, they never have been. Ask my Momma about letting me pick out candy. I can't even decide if I want to go to the Dr. about my knee pain and they've hurt bad for two weeks. I'm a good "talker" and can find good reasons for all sides of just about anything. This makes it hard to rationalize and decide on ANYTHING! Once I make a decision, I'm in. But right now, I'm not feeling very "in".

I keep saying that I'm not going to give up! I don't think I have, but I definitely question how HARD I'm trying. Where's the line between wishes/desires and reality? How does eating a box of Girl Scout cookies constitute trying? Give me a moment and I'm sure I can justify it. See the problem here, no?!?!

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Monday, March 25, 2013

More Randomness

Pain seems to bring with it some sort of a sense of failure, hopelessness, defeat.

I feel like I've been on a never ending detour from where I originally planned on going. Yet I don't seem to be able to stop.

Bargaining and deal making with myself has begun again, just in order to justify my so called "bad" eating behavior. Tomorrow I will weigh, tomorrow I will begin again. Nonsense!

The one thing that I felt was going right, the C25K training, feels like it's being taken away and I'm failing there too. I know there is more out there, something that might be a better fit, but I'm hung up on this.

The desire to say screw it conflicts heavily with the disgust I feel when I see my before pictures. I can say with absolutes certainty that I NEVER want to go back there, but my actions say otherwise.

Doritos, Reese's Pieces, Costco muffins, nachos....they're speaking to me, calling me!

My favorite part of dinner last night??? The delicious, fresh, wonderful salad. Why do I describe it as such? Is it because all I've been consuming is processed, salty, crap?

My body is telling me it wants to move, I feel it. It's telling me it desires whole yummy goodness. Why am I stifling, gagging, stuffing it quiet with shit?

These are the things that are going on, not always pretty stuff. I will figure this all out. I will not quit trying!! Just needed to get it out, see it all written down, so maybe I can start tackling the things bouncing around in there.

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I'm loving this running thing, C25K, but I'm very worried it doesn't like me. I've made a lot of excuses in my day but I'm afraid I might finally have a real one. My knee is KILLING me. With every run it's gotten worse. I really want to continue, however I don't want to make it worse or do more harm.

Do I push through?

Do I wait for the pain to subside?

Do I switch to the elliptical for a while?

I know what I want to do... continue. But is that the best choice when it hurts right now to simply walk? When I'm eating Advil like candy.

Am I there? Does anyone have any advice or suggestions? Has anyone been here before?

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Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Every Excuse In the Book and A Proud Moment

Today looked a little something like this....

The wind was blowing so hard it made me look like this....

But I was afraid it would look like this...

Even with all these excuses I did this....

@WendieHaynes: Just finished week 2 day 1 of #C25K with @c25kfree! Running for a cause with @BCRFcure!

It even felt good!

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Monday, March 18, 2013

A Little Mojo of My Own

This is how awesome you could look too. All you have to do is C25K Week 1 Day 3 all by yourself. I'm a bit proud and can tell already I've gotten quicker. Now if my jello legs would go away that'd be great.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

My Goals For This Week

So I've decided to write down my goals for this week in an effort to see if it gives me a bit of direction. I walk a fine line here because anything too "restrictive" or "unattainable" causes me to rebel like a spoiled child.

This week I:

~ will continue with the C25K training. My hubby has been leaving me in the dust doing this with me and he's going to be out of town this week, so I will have to work to motivate myself.

~ will rid my system of all the refined sugars and carbs I seem to have been consuming lately. Back to the healthy whole foods that have gotten me this far.

~ will cook for myself and my family instead of relying on dining out. Good bye high sodium counts.

~ will try to balance my coffee intake with a little more water. Ok A LOT more!

~ will get more sleep. This will probably be the hardest one because I don't sleep well when my hubby is gone.

I'm really hoping that a great week being on track can jump start the next steps to my journey!!

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Thursday, March 14, 2013


Week 1 day 2 c25k....
Felt better, did better picking up my feet, but need to get a better at the self portrait angle. Oh and I may or may not have snacked on a bug or two....num!

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Tuesday, March 12, 2013

I'm Dying Here

This is what I look like after Week 1 Day 1 C25K. What you cannot see here that I'm pretty sure I'm dying and my legs are like jello. Know what else? I can't wait to go again!!

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Wednesday, March 6, 2013


This represents how I've been feeling as of late. I am positive that I do not want to go back to the past, seem to be floundering here in the present, and dream about the future.

I can honestly say that I have been falling willingly victim to major diet cliches.... I've already blown it today so what's the point? I'll start again tomorrow! It's not that bad, I've made worse choices. Ooohhhh I didn't gain as much as I expected, free license. I've still lost 95 pounds, can't knock that.

I question myself constantly. What happened to my quest for health, not weight loss. When did it become about the numbers, not the nutrition and health.

Right now I can only say one thing... I am not throwing in the towel. I will not give up.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Goals...Won't You Join Me

I've made a decision and I want to invite you along. I've been trying to post this for a week, so hopefully I haven't waited too long. Starting on March 1st I want to help motivate myself and you to reach for some of your goals. A competition of sorts, but not with anyone else, with yourself and your excuses. I know that lately I've been one giant walking excuse and I'm ready to move forward. Please read to the end for all of the details on joining.

First, let me tell you about some of my personal journey and my issues. I've done this whole weight loss thing before, a lot. I wanted it to be different this time and it has until recently. There are tons of underlying issues that I am going to try to address in the next few week, but there are a couple that I want to tackle head on right away.

Exercise, shhhhh don't say that too loud, is the biggest. I don't do it. I've lost 100+ pounds by simply watching what I eat and increasing "normal" daily activity. I know this is not going to get me all the way where I want to go, however there is an obstacle. In the past I never started exercising because I was afraid of the scale stall that happens with retained water, sore muscles, MORE muscles. Stupid I know, especially the logical side of me, but I've always been chasing the number on the scale. On some level I was doing it again without being totally conscious of it.

Another thing that I tend to do is prove a point and then stop. Not just with my weight loss but in many areas of my life. Without even really meaning to I set myself a goal of losing 100 pounds. I originally picked it so as to not be overwhelmed by the total amount I need to lose. Sort of a mini goal instead. Well I did it, bam! Done! See I can accomplish, now what?????? So I've been sort of floundering here going up, going down, up, down.

This brings me to my goals. In short my goals are to pick a new weigh loss goal, start exercising, and avoid the scale for a while. I will post my official detailed goals and plan by Thursday, along with anything else relevant to them.

If you would like to join me for the month of March, here's what you have to do....

1) Pick and put your goals in writing. It can be anything that benefits health. Exercising, losing a certain amount of pounds, stopping a bad habit, whatever you make excuses for. It can be as simple or as complex as you want. If all you want to do is get more sleep and your goal is to put down social media & go to bed earlier, great. Maybe you're already a rock star and you want to PR a half marathon, that's great too! Just make sure to include what your goal is and a trackable path to it. (AKA a plan)

2) Email me your goal information. (thestampingqueen @ If you want, and I suggest, include before measurements, weights, photos, or other relevant information for your goal. It will be nice to have before and after information, especially after 31 days.

3) Check in every Friday starting March 1 and with your final results March 31. You can also do this more frequently or bug me for moral support as needed.

What I'll do:

1) I'll support you in your quest and draw strength from you in mine.

2) I'll share your story, goal, progress, or whatever you wish here for others to see & benefit from. At minimum, you will be listed as a participant and what your goal is.

3) If you are successful (and it's your definition of success no one else's) I will send you a reward at the end. Please know that I'm not independently wealthy so don't get too excited! Something celebrating you and motivating you to achieve more.

I hope this will be the catalyst I need to propel me forward on the next phase of my journey. I hope I can help you too!

Wednesday, February 20, 2013
















These are just some of the feelings that I've had in the last 18 days. I know it's been 18 days because that is exactly how long it's been since my birthday. It is also the amount of time since all hell broke loose with my eating. I can't explain it, I'm truly baffled how I've gone sooooooo long and bam!

I am working through all these emotions and trying to identify underlying issues... I'm not about to give up. I've come too far and want to go so much farther.

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Sunday, February 17, 2013

Good News

This could be the best thing I've read all week. Love me some vino!

Is Wine the New Diet Drink?
Cool news: Scientists say drinking vino may help prevent weight gain. Time to put down those "cleansing" juices and pour yourself a pinot noir.

The only downfall, they say ... "Awesome, but you don’t want to replace food with wine—you’ll miss out on key nutrients and wind up schnockered."

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Monday, February 11, 2013

Hello, Is Anyone Out There???

I just want to assure you that I am still here...getting all my ducks in a row.

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Saturday, February 2, 2013

It's My Birthday...Well Almost

Today I woke up looking like this...

Ok I didn't exactly look like this when I woke, but if I did it sure would mean that I could sleep longer every day!

By early afternoon I looked like this...

The sun decided to peek it's pretty little head out today and low and behold my "natural" hair color returned. Again maybe that's not exactly what happened. I did however get a cut, color, and wax.

Maybe in the middle I looked like this...

Those bonnets are ALL the rage, no?!?!

I followed this up with a little of this....

And why all the excitement you say? Maybe you don't really, but I'll still tell you.
Tomorrow (well today now cuz its past 12) is Groundhog's Day and that can only mean one's my birthday!

I ended the night like this...

Tomorrow I'm all ready to party!

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Friday, February 1, 2013


I'm a little late with posting my weigh-in this week, but I did weigh on Tuesday. I was MORE than happy with a 2 pound loss! It took me right back to where I was the week before, 105.6 pounds lost to date.

It's been CRAZY busy around here with a lot of changes going on. I'm afraid that I've been allowing it to affect me. I was already feeling a bit complacent, after all I've lost over 100 pounds and WHO DOES THAT? Well a lot of people really, but I want to be one of the ones that keeps it off!! I've still got a ways to go and many other goals flying around in my head, so here's to hoping for continuing success!

I'll pass on a little bit of mojo I found while taking a moment on Pinterest....

Wednesday, January 23, 2013


I seem to be all over the place lately.  I'm freezing then I'm hot.  I'm thinking I'm looking thinner and then I feel all fat and bloaty.  I'm spot on with my eating, then I could give a hoot.  I'm motivated to get things done and then all I want to do is sit on my beehoovers.  I know this too shall pass, then I'm impatient for the next step.

At times like these I have to rely on several things.  One, support from my "team". Especially my hubby who gently reminds me that he can remove the chips from my line of vision.  Second, my logical mind.  If I just take a moment I can rationalize everything into a calming spot.  Somewhere that reminds me that I really do know that this is only a moment in the bigger picture.  Thirdly, stopping to take a look at where I've come from and where I want to go.  Being able to see the written and photographic proof here in one spot is a great reminder.  It's also a great way to spur the motivation that is sometimes all I can use to get through moments like these.

I also need to remember what causes some of these feeling in me.  Not eating enough throughout the day (horrible problem I know) and not having the correct groceries in the house are the biggest instigators.  Then, as I'm well aware, the downward slide starts there.  So I've taken action to eat more often and I've gotten some groceries.  Yesterday went well and today is following suit....

My weight was up 2 pounds this week.  This was not an accident or a surprise.  I chose to eat certain things just like I am choosing to get back to it and not dwell on what is.  After all I've still accomplished 103.6 pounds and two pounds in the scheme of that is nothing.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Tuesday Weigh-In

I was going to post something either witty or deep & inspirational, but how about I just post my weekly weigh-in today instead?
This last week went well and I felt really good all week long. This is especially great considering all the things going on around our house lately. Now for the dirt....I'm down 4 pounds this week bringing my total to 105.6 pounds. Always love a great weigh-in!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Just Random Stuff

This week has been going well. It took a few days last week to get the cravings out of my system, but now I seem to be cruising along. I always treasure the times that seem "easy" because sometimes it's all I need to get my mind back on track. Not to mention that I know it won't last forever, so I have to soak it up while I can.

This morning I woke up and was like, wait what is this? I'm not sure I'm familiar with what I am feeling. Then I realized it was my hip bone. Nice to meet you again my LONG lost friend.

You know you're making progress when your underwear start getting so big you're going to have to replace them.

I tried on a pair of pants yesterday that fit, they were 4 sizes smaller. Quite the accomplishment for me since I carry all my weight on my bottom half and it's always the last to go!!

Is it just me or does it seem like there aren't any real noticeable physical changes for long periods at a time and then all the sudden BAM! Well I figured out how to make it some new pants. Every time I buy some they end up too big within 2 weeks. I didn't buy the ones yesterday, maybe I should have!

My fat layer is diminishing and I'm cold! This doesn't help....brrr!

Here's to more progress!

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