Monday, March 25, 2013

More Randomness

Pain seems to bring with it some sort of a sense of failure, hopelessness, defeat.

I feel like I've been on a never ending detour from where I originally planned on going. Yet I don't seem to be able to stop.

Bargaining and deal making with myself has begun again, just in order to justify my so called "bad" eating behavior. Tomorrow I will weigh, tomorrow I will begin again. Nonsense!

The one thing that I felt was going right, the C25K training, feels like it's being taken away and I'm failing there too. I know there is more out there, something that might be a better fit, but I'm hung up on this.

The desire to say screw it conflicts heavily with the disgust I feel when I see my before pictures. I can say with absolutes certainty that I NEVER want to go back there, but my actions say otherwise.

Doritos, Reese's Pieces, Costco muffins, nachos....they're speaking to me, calling me!

My favorite part of dinner last night??? The delicious, fresh, wonderful salad. Why do I describe it as such? Is it because all I've been consuming is processed, salty, crap?

My body is telling me it wants to move, I feel it. It's telling me it desires whole yummy goodness. Why am I stifling, gagging, stuffing it quiet with shit?

These are the things that are going on, not always pretty stuff. I will figure this all out. I will not quit trying!! Just needed to get it out, see it all written down, so maybe I can start tackling the things bouncing around in there.

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