Friday, March 30, 2012

Road Trip

We did a quick one day road trip to my husband's parents today. I love to eat in the car! A stop at the convenience store before hitting the road is one of my favorite parts. All we hit the store for today was something to drink and gas. I also logged all my food today and I stayed under my calorie allowance. Yay!! I didn't even starve or die...thought I would without treats, but I guess I was wrong.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

I'm Hungry...Am I?

I was telling my husband today that I have been really hungry. I walked around all day thinking that I was sooooo hungry! But you want to know what? I'm not! I'm a little stressed, bored, and tired.

It's spring break this week, which has really thrown us all off. The baby especially, she's been so needy & crabby. The weather has not been the best either, so I think that it's been a fairly boring break for the kids too. Then yesterday, my oldest baby (she'll be eleven next mo.) was running a fever of 103 and complaining about a sore throat. Poor baby, but PLEASE don't get the baby sick again.

Now I'm going to say two things, one of which I can see coming from my mouth and the other just plain scary. I am going to try to go to bed earlier (I've been staying up WAY to late lately) and I am going to try to exercise regularly. As in having a schedule. I'll let you decide which is which. Hopefully this will help with my stress & anxiety.

Enough complaining already, good night!

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Living Life or Motivation

There is a Peanut Butter Twix in the refrigerator screaming my name, but I am out of calories today. Let me tell you flat out that I am not starving and I am not doing the deprivation calorie diet thing. I am allowed the amount of calories needed, based on my height & current weight, to lose 2 pounds a week. I don't have to use them all, but I am not suppose to go over. Darn!

That said, one of the biggest obstacles I think that I am facing is making sure that I understand that my journey is about living life, not about diet & motivation. Motivation will only get me so far, I've proven that over & over in my MANY previous weight loss attempts? I just need to remember I can have my Twix, just not today. Hopefully it will be mine tomorrow!

Monday, March 26, 2012

Weigh Day

Monday's are my weigh in days. It helps keep me accountable over the weekend, but it can truly make or break a Monday morning. Luckily for me this Monday was a make it sort of day. I lost another 3.8 pounds for a total of just over 15.

Tonight I did something typical for me (trying to make it NOT typical anymore). I went to my stamping group meeting and had one of those unthinking moments. I loaded up my paper plate with yummy snacks and went to sit down without even thinking twice about it. Afterwards I wanted to pretend that it didn't happen, but decided that I needed to log it in my calorie tracker just to see what the damage was. I am happy to report that it wasn't the end of the world, over just a small bit! I honestly think that tracking it helped keep me on track for the rest of tonight. Not to mention, it made the self loathing I usually feel after doing something like that not kick fully in. I just have to keep being aware!

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Boredom or Hunger?

I was busy this weekend & do you know what I noticed? I wasn't hungry! Don't get me wrong, I used my calories, but it wasn't an obsession! I ate when I was hungry, made decent choices, & even enjoyed an evening glass of wine.

It proves a huge point, my so called hunger is just that, so called! I know that if my mind is not busy I want to eat, but what I didn't realize was that it was that bad. This could explain a lot! I think I've been bored for at least a year if not longer. Sad, huh?

I feel like I'm always out of time & always doing something, but it's the kind of things I'm doing... mindless chores & daily to dos. Obviously this is something I need to work on in order to achieve long term success.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

The Scale

How is it that something so small can have such a huge effect on how you feel? I was walking around for a couple of days feeling all thin (as much as you can at this weight) and then I made the mistake of stepping on the scale. I honestly don't know what I was expecting to see, it's not like it's been this huge amount of time. There was no change, which in the scheme of things was good. All of the sudden I no longer felt "thin" and suddenly my clothing felt tighter than just yesterday. I know that this is all just crazy thought, but it sure can affect your mood.

I need the accountability of the scale, but how often do I need it? I guess that is the question. Maybe my scale may needs to be kidnapped for awhile. Anyone have any thoughts on this subject?

Wednesday, March 21, 2012


Today has been a hard day! I made it, but it hasn't been easy. I tried to keep busy; did a lot of laundry, pulled weeds, & a did little bit of crafting. I also enjoyed a delicious meal out & I chose well.

I did something a bit scary today! I got a hold of a Beach Body rep (she is also a friend of mine) to talk to her about getting a home gym set up and getting started on P90X or something. I must be serious about this journey because Ha! I'm a bit (hugely) nervous!! I'm very much an all or none person & tend not to try things I think I may fail at. I know it is something that I am going to have to work through if I'm going to be successful. That's why I'm on this journey.

Here's hoping for an easier day tomorrow!!

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Small Successes

What would have normally been THE END to my successful day didn't do me in. I had a couple of glasses of wine late this afternoon with a friend and a later dinner than usual. Normally this would have been a double whammy... empty tummy + alcohol impaired mindset=bad choices!

I am not entirely sure what is different, but I would like to think that it is the reasoning behind why I am doing this. Maybe I am finally getting that this is a journey. Life is going to happen and I have to make the most of it. Otherwise I could just go with what my mother has to say, "I'm not sure why it's different this time, but I am just going to run with it."

Monday, March 19, 2012

I've Got It!

It came to me tonight as I sat watching Dancing With the Stars...I need to be on that show. Ok maybe not on THE show, but I need to take up dancing. I want one of those bodies!! I will have to post an ad for a dance partner I am sure, I just cannot see my hubby going for this one.

On a side note, I did weight this morning and lost 3.2 lbs making my total 12. I added a little ticker at the bottom of my posts if you are ever just dying to know where I am at.

Sunday, March 18, 2012


Ouch! That is what I say every time I sit down. For the last two days I have been working on painting my son's room. Reach high, squat low, high, would think I was exercising or something. Now that is exactly how I feel! So, does this mean that I truly exercised or that I am horribly out of shape? Unfortunately I think that it is the latter.

I actually kind of like the feeling of using my body & muscles, but it sure does make it hard to use the potty. Hopefully it doesn't effect my weigh-in tomorrow! Even if it does I know it'll all be a wash in the end.

I have many many more walls to paint in my house, so hopefully it will become easier on me. If not I may just have to go purchase a potty riser!

Friday, March 16, 2012

Hunger Is Not My Friend

This yummy pizza was my dinner tonight and the answer to my biggest nemesis. I DO NOT like to be hungry! Mostly because that is when I lose control. I am like a child, I cannot wait for food to be done. I want it now! Even if I try making something healthy, I have little conversations with myself while I cook about how I don't care. How it is all just one big unfair card that I didn't want to be dealt. Discarding now!

I have been trying to work on it. I know that if I let my hunger go, that is the end. I'm trying to eat more all day. No more hoarding a huge chunk of calories for the evening. Well, except for those designated for my evening wine. :) I'm also trying not to waste calories on quick empty calorie snacks that do nothing for me.

Tonight I was hungry! I got away with it though because my pizza was quick & huge for the calories. Flat out bread, pasta sauce, ricotta, tons of mushrooms & peppers, and ham all cooked on the BBQ. Yummmm!

Thursday, March 15, 2012

The Start of My Journey

I've been thinking a lot lately about how long I've been trying to lose weight and when it all started. It's a bit surprising to think that it has been at least 22 years since I tried my first diet. Which of course makes me wonder how much longer I will struggle with this.

I remember when I was a teenager and my grandma tried to help me lose weight. She use to try to motivate me by giving me a dollar for every pound that I lost. I know that she cared a lot about me and only wanted the best for me, but sometimes I wonder if things could've been different if the focus had been less on weight and more on nutrition and health.

When I look back at photos from that time, I only wish I could tell my young self, you are soooo NOT fat. I was, am, and alway will be bigger than most women. I was 5' 10" by the time I hit high school and wore a size 11 shoe (bump that to a 12 now). Of course it didn't help that my 3 best friends were some of the smallest girls I knew (and still are by the way). All of this is not to say that I couldn't have stood to lose a few, but I think knowing about nutrition and health might have been enough.

Knowing what I do now, about everything I have gone through in the past 20+ years, there are some things I know that I am just going to have to accept. I know that this will always be an issue and the only thing that I can do is face it head on every day. I may fall on my face some days, but I need to get back up and move forward. This is what my journey is suppose to be about.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012


Every Tuesday for a very long time (as I write this I realize that it has been over 12 years if not longer) my mom and I have gotten together. We've done a lot of things over the years. For quite a while, on and off, we attended Weight Watcher meetings and then went for dinner. Then after my first daughter was born we started going to dinner and grocery shopping. My oldest was always such a trooper, she'd go anywhere and do anything with us.

Several years ago my sister started joining us and we went from going out to eat to cooking for each other. Some meals were the picture of healthy eating and some not so much! You could always tell how good we were doing on our diets. One of our rituals was weighing in before eating dinner. We were absolutely starving of course because we'd eaten so light that day in hopes of losing those extra ounces. Ha! Unfortunately my sister went back to college (that's a good thing) so she doesn't make it very often anymore.

I am happy to report that tonight was a healty meal! Not only that, but my two oldest kids had us involved in a hilarious game of compound word charades. Don't knock it until you try it! We were laughing so hard, my son had the same signal for every word. I definitely think that it should count for exercise, my stomach was hurting.

I cherish Tuesdays, even though they can get a bit hectic sometimes, and hope that they will continue for years to come! My husband might not agree, but oh well.

Monday, March 12, 2012


Monday means a lot of things to a lot of different people. Some people dread them, but I personally love Monday's! To me they mark the beginning of a fresh week, a day where you can leave the past behind. Now Thursday's, that's a different story.

Monday is also one of the biggest diet start days known to man, next to New Year's of course. So it pains me to admit that I have started tracking my meals again today, MONDAY! Really it is just a coincidence. I stocked up at the store yesterday with a whole mess of healthy food; fruit, veggies, whole grains, Greek yogurt, you name it. Honestly, I love this type of food and good home cooked meals. Why is it then, that I already want the Girl Scout cookies out of the freezer? That's one of the biggest problems living with a Girl Scout at this time of year. I will survive, I know I can!

On a different note, here are the before and after photos of the hair & eyebrow wax. While change might not be earth shattering, it's definitely enough to make a girl feel good!

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Starting Slow But Here I Go

So today I did two things to get moving. Unfortunately not the physical kind of moving, but sometimes the mental shift can be just as beneficial.

The first thing that I did was go get my hair cut and colored! So good for the moral!! It was very long over due and besides, I couldn't head into the spring without my "natural" blond. I also had my eyebrows waxed and my hairdresser made some comment about the furry caterpillars. I guess they needed done too! I am definitely going to try to make it a priority to not wait so long next time.

The second thing I did today was to get an iPad. Thank you dear honey for always allowing me to be spoiled. I'm planning on using it to track my food, but mostly I thought it would make it a lot easier to blog. I'll be able to do posts and photos anytime and anywhere. My phone wouldn't allow me to post or upload photos. Now I just have to get use to it! Hopefully tomorrow I can try my first photo upload and share my hair.

Tomorrow I hit the grocery store to stock up on some whole foods. Moving forward one step at a time!


Friday, March 9, 2012

Sizing It Up

Surprisingly this post has nothing to do with "up sizing" a meal. It is about something I do every time I go somewhere new and I was just reminded about it yesterday.

The first thing I do when I walk into a restaurant, go to somebodies house, or any other such place is "size up" the seating. Not because I need to sit down or even want the best seat, but because I want to know if I will fit in the seats.

Yesterday I went to lunch with my mom & my baby. When we walked in I was happy to take note of the wide armless stools at the tables. My happiness quickly changed to irritation when I realized that the only table the highchair would work at was the short one with the captain like chairs. The irritation had nothing to do with the establishment, it was with me and the size of my rear.

As I sat perched on the front edge of my chair, my purse behind me being used as a decoy as to why I couldn't scoot back in the chair, it all came together. The reason why I want to do this blog and why I want to try to take this journey. Hopefully someday in the not so distant future I can just walk-in and admire the furnishings.



I was going to start my blog telling you everything about myself, my struggles, & my weight history but.... that would read like a really boring school text book so, I will only say "hello"! I hope instead that you'll get to know me through my journey. I don't know how or where it will go, but I want to share my trip from being big to living a big fun life. Won't you come along?