I'm actually struggling, which is weird considering that I've lost more weight than I ever have before. I have felt myself slip into this attitude of complacency after being on a mission for so long. It's almost like I am lost. For a lack of a better way to explain I'm just going to make some lists.
The bad junk:
- There is something somewhere deep inside of me making me feel like I don't really deserve it. Like it's not that big of a deal.
- I've been sick (not with the flu) for so long. That's the only reason I made it.
- It was just another day and another weigh-in. There were no fireworks.
- Now what? Gaining?
- Fear (there is a lot of this one)
- Doubt. Stop now before I fail.
- I'm feeling better and the hunger is BACK!!
- I AM extremely proud. I never thought I'd ever lose any significant amount of weight again.
- I did do it and I can keep doing it.
- Christmas last year and this year...pictures don't lie.
As you can see the lists are a little lopsided. I am a smart & logical person (usually) and I know that I really have accomplished a big thing. I know I did it, I know that I can keep doing it! I just have trouble with the unknown. What I need is a goal, something to work towards. I'm not even sure that it needs to be a weight loss number. I just need a direction, because how can I head in that direction if I don't know where I'm going?
For now I am going take a minute to be proud and celebrate my achievement. Be my own fireworks! Then I will sit down and map out my path, so that I know where I am heading....