Wednesday, January 2, 2013

There Were No Fireworks

My big goal #1 has been of Saturday morning I have lost 102.2 pounds!  I actually hit the 100 pound mark a couple days before that but didn't think I could/should post about it yet.  It's weird what's been going on in this head of mine and I think that I needed a moment.  Maybe I still do? Now I'm ready to TRY to explain. 

I'm actually struggling, which is weird considering that I've lost more weight than I ever have before.  I have felt myself slip into this attitude of complacency after being on a mission for so long.  It's almost like I am lost.  For a lack of a better way to explain I'm just going to make some lists.

The bad junk:
  1. There is something somewhere deep inside of me making me feel like I don't really deserve it.  Like it's not that big of a deal.
  2. I've been sick (not with the flu) for so long.  That's the only reason I made it.
  3. It was just another day and another weigh-in.  There were no fireworks.
  4. Now what? Gaining?
  5. Fear (there is a lot of this one)
  6. Doubt.  Stop now before I fail.
  7. I'm feeling better and the hunger is BACK!!
The good junk:

  1. I AM extremely proud. I never thought I'd ever lose any significant amount of weight again.
  2. I did do it and I can keep doing it.
  3. Christmas last year and this don't lie.

As you can see the lists are a little lopsided.  I am a smart & logical person (usually) and I know that I really have accomplished a big thing.  I know I did it,  I know that I can keep doing it!  I just have trouble with the unknown.  What I need is a goal, something to work towards.  I'm not even sure that it needs to be a weight loss number.  I just need a direction, because how can I head in that direction if I don't know where I'm going?

For now I am going take a minute to be proud and celebrate my achievement. Be my own fireworks!  Then I will sit down and map out my path, so that I know where I am heading....


  1. Simply amazing. Sounds like you have your own little Drazil. You can do this....we're all here for you.

    1. Thank you! I have a lot of those pesky inner voices & they can get sooo loud! I'm TRYING & I thank you for your support! Reading blogs is surprisingly very inspiring and I don't think you have a post that goes by without me almost wetting myself at least once. ;-)

  2. Thank you for sharing your story.... now to get to my point.....100 POUNDS....ARE YOU KIDDIN ME, THAT IS TOO AWESOME AND YOU DESERVE A MEDAL TO GO WITH THE FIREWORKS.

    Now, in this world nobody blows your horn for gotta do it for yourself ! 2013 is BRING IT ON year for me.....and come my 2013 Christmas photo's i hope to be blowing my own horn ROFL

    Huggles from Holland

    1. I DO agree that 100 lbs is awesome! I really don't think the reality of it has totally sunk in yet. The funk has past though and I'm ready to charge forward.

      Good luck to you on your own journey!!!

  3. Wow! Wow! Wow! I see the fireworks in you. Look deep you 'll continue to see them too. Very proud of you!

  4. 100 lbs. Fantastic. Jealous.

    I'll catch up though.


  5. Thank you! Now I don't know whether to be scared you'll catch me or motivated to keep you behind me. ;-)