Wishywashy

I seem to be all over the place lately.  I'm freezing then I'm hot.  I'm thinking I'm looking thinner and then I feel all fat and bloaty.  I'm spot on with my eating, then I could give a hoot.  I'm motivated to get things done and then all I want to do is sit on my beehoovers.  I know this too shall pass, then I'm impatient for the next step.

At times like these I have to rely on several things.  One, support from my "team". Especially my hubby who gently reminds me that he can remove the chips from my line of vision.  Second, my logical mind.  If I just take a moment I can rationalize everything into a calming spot.  Somewhere that reminds me that I really do know that this is only a moment in the bigger picture.  Thirdly, stopping to take a look at where I've come from and where I want to go.  Being able to see the written and photographic proof here in one spot is a great reminder.  It's also a great way to spur the motivation that is sometimes all I can use to get through moments like these.




I also need to remember what causes some of these feeling in me.  Not eating enough throughout the day (horrible problem I know) and not having the correct groceries in the house are the biggest instigators.  Then, as I'm well aware, the downward slide starts there.  So I've taken action to eat more often and I've gotten some groceries.  Yesterday went well and today is following suit....

My weight was up 2 pounds this week.  This was not an accident or a surprise.  I chose to eat certain things just like I am choosing to get back to it and not dwell on what is.  After all I've still accomplished 103.6 pounds and two pounds in the scheme of that is nothing.

Tuesday Weigh-In

I was going to post something either witty or deep & inspirational, but how about I just post my weekly weigh-in today instead?
This last week went well and I felt really good all week long. This is especially great considering all the things going on around our house lately. Now for the dirt....I'm down 4 pounds this week bringing my total to 105.6 pounds. Always love a great weigh-in!

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Just Random Stuff

This week has been going well. It took a few days last week to get the cravings out of my system, but now I seem to be cruising along. I always treasure the times that seem "easy" because sometimes it's all I need to get my mind back on track. Not to mention that I know it won't last forever, so I have to soak it up while I can.

This morning I woke up and was like, wait what is this? I'm not sure I'm familiar with what I am feeling. Then I realized it was my hip bone. Nice to meet you again my LONG lost friend.

You know you're making progress when your underwear start getting so big you're going to have to replace them.

I tried on a pair of pants yesterday that fit, they were 4 sizes smaller. Quite the accomplishment for me since I carry all my weight on my bottom half and it's always the last to go!!

Is it just me or does it seem like there aren't any real noticeable physical changes for long periods at a time and then all the sudden BAM! Well I figured out how to make it happen....buy some new pants. Every time I buy some they end up too big within 2 weeks. I didn't buy the ones yesterday, maybe I should have!

My fat layer is diminishing and I'm cold! This doesn't help....brrr!

Here's to more progress!

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This Is Me Today

I thought that it was probably about time (let's be honest...my mom did) that I posted an updated progress picture. So without further ado here I am as I look today 102 pounds lost.








Sometimes it's hard to see the progress living it one day at a time. Even though I absolutely hate taking pictures of myself, it's at times like these I am thankful that I do. I'll try to get them loaded under the photo tab up top soon so you can compare them with the horrible originals. I had to go look and what I really want to know is why didn't someone slap me, at least for the hair if nothing else. :-)




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I'll Happily Take It

You know how sometimes when you've been less than "good" and you "get away with it"and lose weight anyway?  How that can sometimes lead to bigger problems, because after all you still lost weight even though you maybe "cheated" a little.

I didn't "get away with it" this time and I am actually happy about it!  I will also admit to being happy that it was only +0.6 pounds.  It still leaves me over the 100 pounds lost mark at 101.6 pounds.  I really struggled for several days, had a lot of I just don't care anymore moments.  It took a lot of searching to find my mojo again, but I'm headed in the right direction now.

I took time to think about things like "off limits", "cheating", "getting away with it", "good/bad" and I realized that I still have a lot of work to do in my head too.  Maybe even more than with the body.  All of those words and phrases are things I want to talk about, but not tonight.  Tonight I am just happy to be going in the right direction again, gain included.

Taking Comfort

Today I am taking comfort in the return of normalcy. There is something about routine that comforts my anxious soul. I dropped my oldest two off at school for their first day back after Christmas break. Now I am enjoying my cup of coffee & the view of snow falling out my window. Two of my absolute favorite things! I always did enjoy Monday's.





Hope you have a fantastic Monday too!




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Why Does It Only Take a Moment?

They say it takes three weeks to form a habit and I've definitely been on this health journey for a lot longer than that. Why then does it only take a moment to derail? It's like a big crash & burn and when I try to lift my head up from the rubble I'm in a state of shocked confusion.




It all started last Sunday.....after making it through Halloween, Thanksgiving, and even Christmas...my mojo seems to have up and gone. I weighed-in that day 102.2 pounds down, patted myself on the back, strutted around for awhile, and then.....

It started out small enough, a little soup to make me feel better. Soup that contained things I shouldn't eat. It was okay though because I was sick?!?! A leftover popcorn ball or 12. Dinner out, ordering a big FAT no-no!! Then more "bad" soup and corn bread last night. Yes, I said corn bread, let me know if you find any nutrition in that!

It only takes a moment, not only to derail my eating, to bring back the negative talk in my head. Where has it been hiding because obviously it wasn't gone. It was just waiting, watching for that moment to pounce, to tell me... "See you can't do it, you're destined to fail!"

I'm reaching and grasping for the things I've learned so far on my journey. I'm not going to patronize myself by saying it wasn't that bad and definitely not as bad as it would've been in the past. I'm also not going to fall back on the infamous "you've already blown it, you might as well wait until you weigh-in again"! That's only giving myself excuses to justify my behavior.

I am going to pick myself up, dust off, eat a salad, and continue on with my eyes open just a little bit wider. I'm going to ask for support and I am going to continue heading in the direction I know I should.



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There Were No Fireworks

My big goal #1 has been met....as of Saturday morning I have lost 102.2 pounds!  I actually hit the 100 pound mark a couple days before that but didn't think I could/should post about it yet.  It's weird what's been going on in this head of mine and I think that I needed a moment.  Maybe I still do? Now I'm ready to TRY to explain. 

I'm actually struggling, which is weird considering that I've lost more weight than I ever have before.  I have felt myself slip into this attitude of complacency after being on a mission for so long.  It's almost like I am lost.  For a lack of a better way to explain I'm just going to make some lists.

The bad junk:

1. There is something somewhere deep inside of me making me feel like I don't really deserve it.  Like it's not that big of a deal.
2. I've been sick (not with the flu) for so long.  That's the only reason I made it.
3. It was just another day and another weigh-in.  There were no fireworks.
4. Now what? Gaining?
5. Fear (there is a lot of this one)
6. Doubt.  Stop now before I fail.
7. I'm feeling better and the hunger is BACK!!

The good junk:

1. I AM extremely proud. I never thought I'd ever lose any significant amount of weight again.
2. I did do it and I can keep doing it.
3. Christmas last year and this year...pictures don't lie.

As you can see the lists are a little lopsided.  I am a smart & logical person (usually) and I know that I really have accomplished a big thing.  I know I did it,  I know that I can keep doing it!  I just have trouble with the unknown.  What I need is a goal, something to work towards.  I'm not even sure that it needs to be a weight loss number.  I just need a direction, because how can I head in that direction if I don't know where I'm going?

For now I am going take a minute to be proud and celebrate my achievement. Be my own fireworks!  Then I will sit down and map out my path, so that I know where I am heading....